Conclusion

I went and did a bit or checking up since I was still not satisfied since my last posting. Now, I have drawn a conclusion.

I do not know if it can be considered most miserable (not in the bad sense, but saddening), but Madame Butterfly (Madama Butterfly as per the original Italian version) is more so than Miss Saigon. Reason? Chris loved Kim and had full intention of bringing her back to America had it not been chaotic evacuation with the embassy staff. Pinkerton, on the other hand, never meant to make Cio-cio-san his wife. He meant to have the flowers of every land, then go back to have a legitimate American wife. These are concerning the miseries of love, which ought to be lesser than those of death camps, so I do not know if their "miserable-ness" can be compared in the same category.

Another conclusion... I still love Ruthie Henshall's Fantine best. I feel strange when I listen to other people singing Fantine's songs. When Henshall sings, it's rather heartbreaking (not that the others aren't). But her singing strikes a chord with me. When she sings, "OH GOD! IS THERE NO MERCY?!", I half expect her to keel over with the pain and suffering. Singing, similar to other arts, is not just about the technique. It's about the feelings too.

What's The Verdict?

I saw an article yesterday that introduces the musical Yoduk Story, which some people thought would never make it to the stage. It is "inspired" by the death camps of North Korea. There are comparisons of it to Les Miserables. That article described it as probably the least cheerful musical, next to Les Miserables. Another described it as a concentration camp version of Les Miserables.

Being an ardent ARDENT fan of LM, I cannot understand the comparison. Besides the title ("The Miserables") and the cruel fate of characters during the first half of LM (Ah! Poor Valjean and the heartbreaking tale of Fantine! I love Fantine's songs!), there was cheer in the musical. Characters believing in God and good. Believing in fighting for a cause (albeit, not too successfully). There was love and a poignant ending that will jerk some tears.

Perhaps I am concluding too quickly. Perhaps I should understand a bit more of Yoduk Story before I decide the comparison for the lack cheerfulness to be incorrect. Maybe, instead of a Korean version of 'Schindler's List', this is actually a Korean version of 'Life Is Beautiful'? If that is the case, I would probably agree.

In any case, first thing that came to my mind when thinking of musicals full of misery was Miss Saigon. Last night, I took the trouble to convert all the songs on my CDs to MP3 to listened to them in the office today. Grim, yes. The struggle and constant battles. It made my day at the office feel really surreal. I had to stop listening to it when some parts of my work needed me to come back from Saigon and give more concentration (Normally, listen to pieces that I know and love so much my heart can sing along to them while I work). I think there are some, thought very little, bright parts in there. I would rate it as more "cheerless" and "grim" than LM. When finished, I was ready to declare that it must be the most miserable of big time musical(let's exclude Yoduk Story for the present) until I thought of the parallels I drew of Miss Saigon with Madame Butterfly for a friend.

After some of us went to watch Phantom Of The Opera (the movie), and were walking back, I was discussing some musical details with my friend who had seen it in the theatre. I had watched Carmen in the same aforementioned theatre wondered how the same effect could be achieved. I even wondered aloud about how they managed to get a helicopter onto the stage of that theatre for Miss Saigon and expressed just some mild regret of not going to see it for myself to satisfy my curiousity (I was not, and still am not, very tempted to watch the production). She told me she specifically avoided it because it was such a stereotypical story of an American guy and an Asian girl in times of war. I thought about it and started stating the similarities between Miss Saigon and Madame Butterfly. When you come to think of it, it is rather obvious! Of course, it's a different time, a different culture (American and Japanese, rather than American and Vietnamese) and all. But, heck, both the male leads left and returned with their new wives to see their children and then the female lead dies.

Is Madame Butterfly more miserable?

Overall... Enjoyable

That's the verdict on my past few days.

My cousin came to visit unexpectedly the Saturday before last, mainly because she had some seminars to go to regarding further studies and had taken leave. Coincidentally, I had applied for leave for last Monday and Tuesday as well. So we spent weekend and some nice weekday evenings together. I felt our relationship, which is good in general, somewhat returned to the intimate closeness of our childhood.

After she left, work resumed and my mother arrived in transit for over half a week and we spent more time together. Visits from my dear mother are more frequent and of longer duration now. It is something I do appreciate. It's good that my place is a nice "halfway house" to get to places.

Heavy Heart

Today I am courted with (and somewhat tempted by) an option. It is an option that, once taken, turning back would be very awkward, tedious and difficult. I regard taking that option as a no-turning back. It's either a step forward or a stepping stone for more steps forward to the unknown. It would also mean relinquishing the rights to enjoy somethings that I have taken for granted. I look upon this as a type of valve... very one-way.

Oh, the step forward seems so easy. Am I sure I never want to turn around? I need to think about this. Perhaps yes? Perhaps not now? Perhaps never?

Work Week

It's Monday!

I've been as limp as an expired vegetable over the weekend. Simply overcome by lethargy and feeling weak in general (partly due to the weather, I suspect).

However, it is Monday and all that has changed. I am back to my normal self and ready for anything (granted, still a little groggy and not fully efficient before 10am). I sometimes wonder what would happen if I suddenly found myself without work. I'd most likely lay around like a (decaying) cucumber all day with no interest in anything or anyone around me, and people won't even recognise me.

Gosh... I must have inherited this streak from my parents, I think.

Come Back & Write!

With great enthusiasm, I have been reading 'Wives & Daughters' by Gaskell and recollecting the story I have seen on TV several years ago. Then, it suddenly came to a stop. This was partly due to work... and partly due to Mrs Gaskell.

After my leave, I returned to find that my team (especially the sub-team that I belong to) worked really hard while I had fun (it was my birthday!). Upon my return, my colleague told me, "After you left, the CI team worked like hell!" I knew it would be so because work was starting to be rather overwhelming and when news of my leave (plus the fact that I won't be returning to work during the weekend) started spreading around, people were predicting drowning in work, but still sincerely wanted me to have an enjoyable holiday. My boss even SMSed me while I was at the bus station to wish me a happy holiday, and I thanked her for the goodwill in granting my leave since I appreciate the cost it is to the team. I tried to work as hard as I could in my post-holiday mood since they have been working until 10-11pm in my absense and were really very drained.

The other (most influential) reason for the halt in my conscientious reading is the fact that I know the wonderful story will not end as wonderfully. Elizabeth Gaskell did not live to finish the book... and it was considered her best book too! Come back and write!

Be Positive & Happy

We dwell on miserable times in our lives sometimes. It is good if we can find some lessons there and move on to becoming better people. However, if it promotes negativity, it should be stopped with as much effort as possible.

I complain a lot about whatever upsets me at the present, but I rarely feel like bringing up distressing past events. I have a convenient memory perhaps, which allows me to not think about unpleasantness that cannot be amended anymore. "What is the use of crying over split milk?" I often query myself and force myself to turn to positive thoughts.

I do not have excessive willpower or discipline. I find practicing "good" ways of living as hard as the other semi-strong or semi-weak person (*it depends on whether you think the glass is half-full or half-empty). This is not helped by the fact that my memory of events is rather good and I can recollect most things very vividly, and usually with feelings, when something calls them to mind.

Over lunch one day with my usual lunch partner, some topics were being discussed. I do not know what happened but it lead to my telling of my (for the want of a better word) "heartbreak" sometime back. I described how angry and betrayed I felt about it quite normally at first, until my friend insisted that I must have cared a lot to have been as angry and hurt as I was. I cast my mind back to that period in time to ponder this a bit, and seemed to be transported back to the time when all the anger and hurt were still so fresh. Without warning, tears came to my eyes and trickled down my cheeks. I moved back to the present with lightning speed, trying to hide all this from other patrons having lunch.

My friend was understandably shocked and tried to joke to bring back the light mood. She thought that I have not gotten over the affair and said that I should find someone else (the cliche thing to remark in such situations). I laughed, recovering, and assured her I was not living in the past. I merely recalled my pain back then and felt it again, that was all. I am not bitter or avoiding future possibilities because of any bad incidences in the past. Of course, I shall be happy. I plan to make myself so rather than expect someone else to. I admit that I may still bear grudges for people who have made my life difficult, but that hasn't evolved into hate.

Unlike some people, I do not condemn the innocent population for the unfortunate encounter with one. I urge others to think rationally before they do. If some, say, British person were to spit in my face and I turn racist against all British, going as far as to declare war on the UK, it would be illogical! Think about all the other nice British people who I've met and haven't met! Similarly, if I should have grieved due to one man, I am not to turn into a man-hater. Was it not another man who consoled me as I was crying over the unpleasant affair and told me that everything will turn out fine even if we may not see how that is possible in our sorrow?

Good and evil exist. Some rational thinking should too (once emotions are given time to subside). Moreover, we are in control of it all - the good and evil in us, the rational and emotional part of us.

I chose to be positive and happy. I hope you will too! :)

Stay happy! :D