Away

I stayed on a small island for two nights last week. It is predominantly a fishing village kind of place but has for the last 10 years or more been popularly known as a holiday destination or island resort. Indeed, expensive hotels as well as cheaper ones have sprung up and the locals seem to embrace tourism as a source of income and employment.

I saw a bay called Teluk Nipah (Nipah Bay) on a day trip to the island and it seemed heavenly. The sands were inviting and the water clear. The surroundings were beautifully natural too. Therefore, this time, I was determined to go there.

I made a nice discovery in terms of accommodation. There is a place called Nipah Bay Villa that rents chalets and other types of rooms for a very reasonable price with breakfast included. It was very cosy with outdoor eating, books and motorcycles for rent, and without the feeling of the "commercial world" as I know it. I've stayed in many chalets, hotels and the like before and look for different things in different situations. This, plus the whole area, was really just what I was looking for. A holiday away from the concrete jungle and news from the world. A very, very missed encounter with the sea and sand. Less than 2 years ago, I took being near the sea for granted. I love the sea. It was so good to get away and soak myself in it.

Bridge Over Troubled Waters

Recently, there was an incident. It turned out to be less than it seemed at that time, but it did leave me very lost and confused then, to the point of being (but actually denying) being scared. I usually act as if and tell myself that I am capable of handling "situations" by myself and, most of the time, I am. But, oh, the relief of having someone to be there for me is always such a welcomed blessing.

Someone showing genuine concern and care for me is never forgotten, especially when he has done so several times before in big and small ways. It seemed most natural to contact him then and I hope that, when my other very dear friends find out about it later, they would not feel slighted for not being contacted first. I know you all love me just the same. My faculties were inhibited by emotions.I merely seeked comfort where I knew it would be from experience.

I think you may be reading this. Yes, you know who you are. The day after the first call, I heard Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel's "Bridge Over Troubled Waters" and I thought how fitting it was of my impressions of you. If I knew how to dedicate a song for you on your local radio station, that would be the song. But, knowing you, I don't think you listen to the radio... much.

Don't forget me in your trying times. My shoulder may seem small in comparison to yours, but it is strong enough to be leaned on too. You know how to reach me, I'm sure. I'll get the phone cards next time.

Get Real

I, now, have very little patience to process complaints of people who are very wrapped up in their self-contained world of depression. It's kind of like a disease that, perhaps, seems cool and everyone seems to want to stay infected with it. In a sadistic way, they seem to be enjoying their depression and detachment from the world they live in.

If you're wondering what it is I am going on about, it is the mood, attitude and mentality that is somewhat illustrated by popular fiction such as "Fight Club" and other I-don't-fit-in and I-am-much-better-or-much-worse themed movies, some alternative and/or pop songs, some dark and grey fiction novels, etc. Most people have hints and ways to show this. I think it's either a stab at rebelling against conformity to society ("I don't want to happily live my life the way other people are living", "Look at me! I'm different!") or just still searching for a meaning.

I am sure you have met some people who fit the descriptions above to varying degrees. I was sympathetic previously... a rather longish time ago. Now, I believe someone should grip them by the shoulders and ask them to snap out of that trance... preferrable very loudly so that it gets through their numbed senses.
Oh... and do douse them with some cold water if it's one of those self-induced things.

I am not being cruel or hard. These people are NOT really depression sufferers. Some actually think it's cool and the thing to do to display their indifference to life, and go on with (un)artistic ways (e.g. attempts at imitating famously depressed poets or artists) of describing their detachment to society/love/life/etc. Some are plain ignorant to how to feel or make themselves feel more fulfilled, and make careless statements such as, "Life is a meaningless exercise". Others? Well, I do not want to elaborate, but I think you've got enough cues to identify the general group I am discussing now.

With all due respect (and please note that I do not mean to offend... just to vent), I find all these people INSUFFERABLE!

I sometimes feel the overwhelming urge to shout out what I think of them (most of it wouldn't be very nice) and clasify them as being one of the groups of people whom I do not quite respect (basic respect for all people still hold, of course). Better yet, I want to drag them to a scene for them to witness what they have been turning a blind eye to. I sometimes think these people choose to blind both their eyes to the world and see only their problems. Well, what makes their problems much bigger than the rest of the world's?

If they could only see how cancer patients try their best to hold back tears and stay positive when the pain gets worse. If they could see the dirty children scurry about in some poor country delighting in finding rotting food. If they could see people in war-torn countries being brave and doing what they could do to survive. Women who have been gang-raped and left for dead but struggled to live on and be brave enough to share their story. Some have so little reason to carry on living and yet they do.

"What makes your problems worse than the rest of the world's?"

So, you may not earn enough to buy a Ferrari. You desparately want to be a size 6 with big boobs, but (let's face it) it ain't gonna happen. You have problems finding a girlfriend, let alone a wife. You were neglected by you parents when young and think nobody loves you. You are being criticised by your in-laws for not being able to have children. No matter how much you work out at the gym, you still see flab/skinniness rather than toned muscles. You want to be popular or keep up with the Jones but results aren't that admirable. You think the world owes you.

Well, needless to say, there are many problems indeed. Solution? Go jump off a building? Something else more dramatic? Hanging from the ceiling in a foreign hotel rooms? Ending it all with a vintage gun (you know who I'm talking about)? Yes, just end completely. Life would be wasted on people who do not know the meaning or value of life.

If only they could just pass their gift of life on (before they go off into the other world) to someone who is desparately fighting AIDs, SARS or Thalessemia and asking God "Why me?". Or, perhaps to the women being held in her crying fiance's arms who is dead because she had been a victim of a violent crime. What about the person who was beheaded just because of his/her nationality/beliefs/skin colour? Before thoughtless people end their "meaningless" lives, they should also arrange to donate all their worldly possessions to the fight against poverty, or war, or killer diseases, or violence, or to one of the MANY good causes out there.

Think you are fat, ugly, useless, loathsome, unrespectble, etc, etc? Go spend a day at the orphanage, home for the aged, animal shelter, or whatever you can find near you. Bring your heart along, don't just go through the motions. If you never had love or joy before, look into the crippled child's eyes when you get him/her a toy that was out of reach. See the gratefulness in the face of an abandoned old women when you sit down to hear her stories and dispell her loneliness just for a half-hour. See how the pup yelps or the kittens purr when you play with them, not knowing that they may be put to sleep if there are not enough people adopting them.

Unless depressed due to biochemical reasons (you can still seek professional help rather than mull over it), everyone should snap out of it. If you think your life is meaningless, don't live for yourself but live for others!

Donate your salary to a good cause on a regular basis (Sponsor a child! There are so many organisations that do it, even online!) and that would make you feel more like working for it. Need a bit of love? Well, earn it, dammit! Do some good to deserve it (It's much easier to love someone with a kind heart than a complaining prick). As for other aspirations, I am in no position judge. But, do you really have to be like Jessica Alba or Brad Pitt to be happy? Do you need that Ferrari or Rolex? Do you need to conform to the "one big house in the suburb, a spouse, 2.5 kids, 1.8 dogs, 0.6 cats, weekend bbq" (someone correct me with the latest statistics, please) and that sort of thing just because that was what you were brought up to believe in?

Your life is your own. We are all here for a limited time only. There are many important things to do and strive for in this world and many things cannot be achieved in one lifetime. Why waste yours looking at the wrong things through a magnifying glass?

Partially Unconditional Love

Someone asked me if one of my good friends is gay.

I replied that I do not know.

The truth is I have never thought about it and, now that I have, I have next to no curiosity concerning it.

What does it matter whether it is this way or that? It will not diminish my love for my friend at all, not even by a tiny shred. I shall also not feel the slightest bit of discomfort or hurt for not being informed about "the truth" sooner than the right time.

For me, something like this concerns one of the non-differential parameters of my friendship. I really have no care for whether a person is heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual, and even less when they are my firm and old friends. My love for my friends does not make me completely blind. However, there are things that simply would not mar my affection.

It would offend and disgust me a great deal more if I knew of someone straight but into such things as obsession, rape, molest, paedophilia and other inclinations.